The harsh reality of the absolute joys in life.

The harsh reality for me is that sometimes no matter how hard you try, it’ll simply never be enough for some people.

No matter how much effort and devotion you put into loving, supporting and appreciating someone, if they don’t know how to accept that (or any positive affirmation for that matter), it’ll never feel like enough for them. It won’t be enough, not because it truly isn’t enough, but because the person receiving it can’t possible understand it or realize the significance and inspiration and emotions and determination of it.

If someone says and feels that it’s not enough, it’s probably because they’ve never been on the giving or supporting side of it either. To truly be able to receive the absolute joys in life, you’ve got to learn and be able to give them.

Fill in Friday (Yes, on a Saturday)

…because I forgot yesterday (and for the last million or so Friday’s). Thanks to Wife of a Sailor. I am passing time and since I’ve missed so many, I am going to include a couple of the Fill in Friday’s that were most recently posted!

#55:

1. The first thing I think of when I get up in the morning is I need to get off the couch and do something.. I’ve been sleeping for so long. (Can you tell I’ve been out of work?)

2. Lately, I’ve been craving  Push Up Orange sherbert ice cream  because I love it and eat 2 or 3 at a time.

3. Whenever anyone says the word daddy, it reminds me of my childhood because mine was taken all too soon and I can’t help but think of what it would’ve been like had he been there for more than 6 years.

4. The happiest word I know is  love, but I think it misunderstood and underappreciated – love doesn’t always equal joy or happiness, but it does always equal faith and hope.

5. My spouse may hate it, but I absolutely love sleeping in, laying around all day, or staying in and entertaining myself within my own house as much as I can. He hates missing pretty days or just hanging around unless he gets to play Zombies, and he hates just being a homebody all the time. However, I think that’s what a home is all about – making a place yours, and being able to maintain your own entertainment and comfort within that home.

 

#54:

1. My spouse and I rarely agree on  what to spend our day doing, whether it should be in or out of the house and with or without other people, but always agree on the fact that TX is home and that we enjoy traveling and will take whatever the Army gives us, but TX will always be home.

2. If I could use one word to sum up the way I feel right now, it would be  frustration (Read the Ally McBeal post).

3. One of the things my spouse does that grosses me out is pretends to launch his balled up boogers at me.

4. My readers may think I’m crazy for doing this, but I really love to  study and learn and read random things. If I cross something I find interesting, I will google and google and read all I can about it until I find something to satisfy my interest. If nothing does, I will purchase a book on Amazon or get one through the Kindle application on my iPad or iPhone until I’ve read enough. It can be annoying to others as I’m a bit committed to finding out whatever it is I started out looking for.

5. Frankly, my dear, I don’t  think it’s my responsibility to care about or go out of my way to make sure I don’t hurt the feelings of unsupportive family members anymore- even if those members call themselves someone’s “mom” or “sister.” I especially don’t think it’s unreasonable to realize that when kids grow up, get married and make a family of their own, that that family becomes priority. That is what growing up and getting married is about. (Ew, that’s a good thought for another post..)

Ally McBeal

I love this show. I love the story line. I loved the Ally and Billy drama and was rooting for them to make it out in the end, and for her to bring clarity to Billy’s confused “new man.” Killing him off was very touching though.

Then, as much as I loved Billy and Ally, I LOVED Larry and Ally more. I loved them so much more that I’m actually mad at Robert Downey, Jr. for who he was back then. Or at least that he let that get in the way of how I wanted this show to be! (I know – SELFISH!!) I wanted them to get married and have babies and I wanted that to be the story line. If it was, I would watch this over and over again. Because it’s not, I don’t see myself finishing the series and watching Season 5.

I just NEEDED to share this. Oh and furthermore, I’m really PISSED that he hasn’t told her he was going to ask her to marry him. I’m really PISSED that he hasn’t tried to fix this. Ugh.

Blogging

I really need to find a way to get in the habit of blogging. I have a lot to say and a lot of time to say it now and never force myself to. I wish I would.

Lately, I’ve just been watchin’ show on Netflix, since I was FIRED from the Community Clinic I worked at. I’ve been unemployed for 2 weeks almost and since then have said to myself, on multiple occasions, “Self, you should share that with people.” But then I don’t share it. I need to get in the habit, especially because I know nobody reads this. Soo, I need to make it happen. If anyone is reading – do you have any advice? Any way to make blogging a habit? I write things down anyway. I even planned on blogging as a deployment diary, but then didn’t. I tend to become very introverted when that happens, meaning I don’t share thoughts, even when I want to, I don’t call friends, even when I need to, I don’t log on or post on my own message board, even when I own it and want to and I don’t talk to others about anything, really, even when I should. I feel like I’m imposing my feelings and in that aspect I try my hardest to avoid it. Though, if it’s MY blog – only people reading it would be the ones that want to hear (er, read) them.

This is a perfect example. I’ll share this for now, but will end up deleting it eventually. Sometimes I see these thoughts as “pointless.” Sigh.

My side

One time you asked me why I did that.. why I called my mom everytime we fought and my feelings were hurt.

The answer is simple.. because every now and then I need to feel like SOMEONE is on MY side, even when it’s the same as yours.

Fill in Friday #2

There’s no official Fill in Friday today due to the Thanksgiving holiday, but since I’m here working and haven’t participated in very many Fill in Friday’s, I figured I’d do one of my own – kind of. I know a few Military Spouse Bloggers and will attempt to copy and paste some of their old Fill in Friday’s. This way I can still blog, and you can still get to know me! It’ll be like catching up with the rest of ‘em! (Fill free to copy!) Also, for those that haven’t joined the Military Spouse Blogging Community, click the link and check it out @Household 6 Diva’s blog!
Thanks to Wife of a Sailor, of course!

1. What is the longest road trip you’ve ever taken?
Let’s see. From Corpus Christi, TX to Manhattan or Pittsburg, KS was about 16 hours. And from Fort Benning, GA to Corpus Christi, TX for Christmas the first year Eric and I were together. I flew up there just to drive back with him! Our relationship was special, if nothing else.

2. Do you collect anything? Tell us a bit about it.
I have shot glasses from everywhere we’ve been and from gifts from family and friends. We also collect TX memorabilia – both the state of TX and the Texas Longhorns, of course

3. What is your favorite part about being an adult?)
Getting to choose to help people and being respected for it. Instead of being “forced” to. Or even worse, having people assumed you were force to help others because you’re a kid and they can’t imagine that a kid would go out of their way to help anyone on their own.

4. What song brings a tear to your eye?
Heaven was Needing a Hero by Jo Dee Messina. RIP Ryan <3

5. Describe your first plane ride (how old you were, where you were heading, etc).
I believe I was about 13 years old and I was flying back to TX from Pittsburg, KS. I had been there visiting my cousins, and loving every minute of it, of course. I convinced my mom to let me stay there a week or two longer than the rest of the family did and so I got to fly home for it. Just a little FYI, no matter how much I “hate” the take off, I really enjoy flying!

Here’s another!

1. What characteristic about yourself has either been strengthened or weakened due to your experience as a Military Spouse?
I’ve always been a very independent, motivated, and diligent person. My experience as a military spouse has strengthened that due to being alone and having to deal with all things that life throw at me on my own while DH was deployed. I also learned that in the military lifestyle, more than anywhere else, that nothing comes easy and if I want things to happen, it’s my responsibility to go out there and MAKE them happy. I especially realized when DH and I had to share a car the last few weeks because mine is in the shop. We truly do not depend on each other for anything, so having to be more dependent of each other has been so hard.  I has weakened my ability to depend on him for anything though. I am so used to doing it all myself or making sure I take care of me that I’ve stopped allowing him to try.

2. What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
Garner. There is nothing better in life than floating the Frio River with your family and friends, in a bathing suit, getting some sun, with a cooler full of beer. Good times with good company is as good as it gets.

3. If you could have any fast-food restaurant in the food court on base/post what would you pick?
Jimmy John’s if it’s considered fast food

4. Where did you go on your honeymoon?
Well, right after we got married, we went to San Antonio and hung out on the River Walk. We then took a trip to Schlitterbahn, one of our favorite water parks. 6 months after we got married, we traveled to Costa Rica with the law firm I worked at and considered that our “real” honeymoon.

5. If you could have any job in the world regardless of money, degree or experience, which job would you have and why?
I would want to be a doctor or a social worker, strictly to help people in any and every way that I possibly could. It’s a life goal of mine I try to make it happen daily.

7 Randoms About Me

1. The only time I don’t enjoy working is if it means I’m going to miss time at home with my husband and our 2 dogs. Otherwise, I love it, even over the holidays.

2. Netflix is by far the best invention since television itself. Eric & I have watched MANY seasons of our MOST FAVORITE shows ever because of it. (Lost, Dexter, NipTuck, Veronica Mars, Grey’s Anatomy, Prison Break, Gangland, Bones, Lie to Me, etc.) It has replaced cable and whatever I can’t watch on there, I can watch for free in internet world.

3. I want to be covered in tattoos. Unfortunately, for whatever job I will have in the future that won’t exactly work (i.e. teaching, criminal justice, etc.). I’d kill for the money to complete my feet and start and finish a sleeve on my arm. I would tattoo random things I love: the state of TX, the Longhorns, Konji symbols for Faith & Family (already have friendship), a tattoo for my mom, maybe my wedding anniversary, my dad’s dates near my butterfly kisses, a matching tattoo for me and my brother, a matching tattoo for each of my truly greatest friends, and a matching tattoo for my husband, etc.)

4. I notice every pretty woman/girl I pass. I don’t look at them and think “Oh, I think I’ll leave my husband for her!” But I do think “WOW! She’s very pretty!” Sometimes I even go as far to think “She’s freakin’ hot!” There was a time I would’ve been too nervous to admit that, as growing up I was so manly, or at least people had me convinced that I was, that I was scared people would automatically think I’m a lesbian. Not that there is anything wrong with lesbians, but I’m not one..

5. I’m obsessed with my iPhone. I do everything on it that it will allow me too. Including using the message board app to access MilitaryIssuedLove.net. I will never be able to live with another phone. It might kill me.

6. I like music – not always because of the sound, but more often because of the lyrics.

7. People tell me how strong I am everyday. And almost everytime, I don’t believe them. Sometimes, I roll my eyes. Not because of who is telling me that, but because I often feel that if they only knew what I deal with, how I deal with it and the thoughts in my head while I’m dealing with it, that they would for sure think otherwise. And if that’s not the case, they’d at least understand that sometimes being strong is your only option.

My Promise to you

Over a year ago, I started a message board (http://militaryissuedlove.net) to try to help support our Troops and those that they leave behind when they go to war. (The reason this started is for a whole nother post but I’ll be sharing that with you all soon, too.) When this happened, I made a promise to be an open book to my internet family. This can be seen on my Facebook, Twitter and the message board, too. I share everything – big and small, easy and hard, relevant and non. Sometimes it takes me a little longer to share the bigger or more stressful things in my life, but I do (after taking a step back or getting some “perspective”) eventually share them, no matter who hates it This has been a reason for many to delete me from Facebook and for others to talk nasty about me. I’m a sensitive person, so when I found out that my “friends” fell into both of these categories, I was hurt and almost decided to stop sharing my life completely. (Sad, friendship had that much power over me.) In putting so much of my life on the internet for others to see and share, I opened an opportunity for others to hurt me and the worse part is that they were able to use the things I shared with them to make sure the cut was deep. On at least 3 occasions because of this. When my “best friend(s)” called me “crazy” for being open and sharing so many thoughts, my heart was broken and my feelings were more than hurt. However, I sat there reading my reply to them and the replies of the many people that said they enjoyed my honesty and reading what I had to share and came across 3 messages in which these people said my openness had changed their lives. At that moment, I decided that it was more important to be ME, no matter how obnoxious that might be. Not to mention, those were MY thoughts and that was MY page and the people that could read it were supposed to be MY friends. Those people aren’t going to shut me down. They’d already shut me out and I wasn’t going to let them affect me in any other way – except for making a good writing topic and giving me the motivation to keep being me and to continue to help others. It’s those people who have motivated me to do better and do more my whole life. It’s those people who made me realize that I was going to do everything I ever dreamt of in life and with that was going to reach out and help as many people as I can. On the days when they make me feel less than good, I just remember that I live everyday to help others, while they are only living to hurt others.

So, with this new blog, this is my promise to you. (Or warning, depending on whether you’re one of those that hates my constant status updates and sharing of information that you never would or if you’re one of those that like me for being me and showing the rest of you who “me” is, even if I don’t know who that is sometimes.) My promise will be to share my feelings, emotions, experiences, thoughts, beliefs, ideas, goals, destinations and the journey to those destinations. I want to show all that read this who I am and how and why I am who I am. I will share the things that matter to me and the things I’m passionate about with you, no matter how raw my feelings are or how they might upset others. I will share the lessons I learned or didn’t learn or should’ve learned. I’m going to do my best to share me – my faith, my hopes and my dreams. That is my promise to you.

Fill in Friday

Thank you to @WifeyofaSailor (http://wifeofasailor.com/) for creating Fill in Friday! This is my first one!

This week’s questions are:

1. If you had to be shipwrecked on a deserted island, but all your human needs – such as food and water – were taken care of, what two items would you want to have with you?
My iPhone & a notebook. My iPhone for internet, games, reading (Kindle application), and other forms of entertainment, etc. The notebook so I could just write and write and write. Lately, any time I have a thought worth sharing (which I think is pretty often) I write it down so I can make sure to share it with the rest of the world! (This is all, of course, assuming that my husband and puppies are with me! LOL)

2. If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have?
Ugh, I’m boring – ranch, because I looooove it more than life itself sometimes. This way I could taste it constantly..

3. If you had to live on a ranch, what kind of animals would you raise/own?
Horses, cow, sheep and pigs, for sure! I would looooove living on a ranch. I would totally make it into a summer camp for kids and such, too.

4. If your life was was portrayed as a movie, who would you choose to play you and your significant other?
Bethany Joy Galleotti or Kristen Bell would play me and Josh Duhamel would play my SO. (Not because they have anything in common, but because I L.O.V.E. him LOL)

5. What was the last thing you put a stamp on (envelope, duh, but what was in the envelope)?
Wow, it’s been a suuuuuuuuper long time since I needed to put a stamp on anything, but I’m sure it was some form of application or something I had to turn in for school. (Yes, that’s how long ago it would’ve been).

I’ve got to start blogging more often, because otherwise, you’ll never get to know me the way I want you to.